On New Year's eve I received a message from my Prince. He was asking if he could see me that night just in case he'll miss the last boat out to his island. Reading the message on my phone was very hypnotic, and all I could do was to say yes without a single trace of hesitation. But after hours of waiting, he didn't show up.

I thought of many things to excuse him of not showing up. Perhaps he was able to take the boat but his phone was out of coverage area. Or he may have thought that he have already informed me which in fact he did not. The list of possibilities is long, and I'll take everything on it just for him.

While trying to justify what happened, which I always do, it came to me that just the other night we were together. I watched him finished beer bottles over bottles while talking about his ex-girlfriend and their failed relationship. And the reason why he's drinking to death was because he love her still. And worst, he was crying all through out.

I stayed pretending to be sorry for what he's going through. But honestly, at the back of my mind, I wanted to leave. More than being an emotional sponge, I felt like I have evolved into an insensitive person. Callous of my feelings. And I loath myself for this.

It hurts knowing that we're not on the same page. But it hurts more not being able to comprehend reality.

Now, what does straight men teach me? The answer is simple; they teach me not to learn anything from them, so that if I will fall, I just go back to the cycle. And wait 'til the next person whom I'll share my world of illusions and promises.